Are you really leaving? for real?

my dad is planning to work abroad..

ever since, this is what he wants and now he has the oppurtunity.

it seems he is decided and determined to work abroad.

he has working on this thing for sometime and now just waiting for his visa.

this isnt a joke. this isnt like he's just working somewhere far inside the country that he'll go back

after a short period of time.

we are not talking about this thing everyday cause we cant.

it might just give us tears. we just make jokes about it but i know it wont take long

he'll be leaving for Canada.

honestly i dont know what to do. im not used to not seeing him everyday.

im not used to not kissing and hugging him every night he gets home.

am i really ready that he's going?

can i handle this?

what will happen to the three of us? (my mom and brother)

im feeling it, a day or two he'll be leaving..

what should i do?? ='(

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thought for the night.. umaga na pala.. 6.1.09 4am

i know i made a mistake.. but i tried to make it up on you..

i said sorry.. let go of my pride just to have you back..

but nothing happened..

you decided for you own.. i decided for my own too...

so why regret the things we wanted..

our decisions went different directions.. thats why we're here..

things are getting confusing..

now you're going back..

for what reason? love?

why love now? when you should have done it way before..

why tell me you miss me when im not the one you choose before..

why say u want to see me now when before you dont?

why say you want to talk to me when before you had so many excuses?


lies where said.. things were done.. after that we regret it..

why is that so..


now i dont feel

the love you're saying..

the care you're giving..

the eagerness that you want things back the way they used to be.. which is way impossible..

the sincerity of the things you say.. maybe it should be done?


why should i believe you this time?

when the things you promised were not done..

why should we give this one more shot?

its not i want to give you a hard time..

but i want it to be different this time..

how will i know that this is the last time?

that it wont happen again for the 4th time..

how will i know?

i had enough of these..

im tired of waiting.. crying.. and hoping for the better..

i know its not you and its not me too..

its "us"..

you're old enough...

you're old enough..
to know the situation..
to know the consequences of the things you/we did..
to know what should be done to get what you want..

not everything will always be in favor of you..
sometimes you need to do it on your own..
sometimes you need to give more than what you can..
sometime you need to give more than what you expect to have..

sacrifices matter when it is done in the right time and for the right purpose..

Give your title..

where were you when
i needed you the most..
i was so down and you know you're the only one who can pull me up..
i was hurt and you know you're the only cure..
i need a shoulder to cry on and you know its you that i want..
i need a hug and you know its yours that i want..
where were you all this time?

now you came back..
you came back when i was on my way up again..
you came back when someone else is already trying to cure me..
you came back when someone else already offerd me a shoulder to cry on..
you came back when someone else is ready to give me a hug when i need one..

why just now?
when im ready to give you up..
when im ready to love someone else..
when i was almost happy and contented without you..

time heals but time also decides.. so be careful..

have you ever thought of these things?

My first blog entry is dedicated to my friend...

This blogsite was made for by a very good friend of mine named Karen Tansingco Balais.. she made this for a purpose.. haha.. nabaliw na daw kasi ako e..

I just wanna share the things and happenings i shared with this wonderful person since the day we met...

We were friends since elementary.. grade four to be particular.. she was one of the "crush ng bayan " type of girl inm ur batch..
and im one of those guys who were admiring this pretty simple lady.. she was so almost perfect.. i had a big crush on her since the day i met her..
but i didn't have the guts to tell her how i feel during those times.. were not even friends during that time coz im one of the guys who is always teasing her to death .. haha..

I was lucky that i was once a part of her life even for a short period of time.. i had the chance and grabbed it, did everything just to have her as my own..
but sometimes shit things really happen.. and i dont blame anyone about that.. we were 2nd year high school back then..
i thought that was it.. i thought it all ended there.. but she was not that kind of girl...

Yeah she left me hanging for sometime and thats normal in ending a relationship but she came back.. she was alwaya the first to be there when i was on my down moments..
she was the person who is always there.. anytime and anywhere.. literally.. whether its about family, school or love problems she was there for me..

She was one hell of a great person.. a super great friend.. this just prove that God has better plans for us..
i didn't have her as my girlfriend but hell i dont care coz i have her as my very good friend..
i cried,, i laughed,, i was going crazy over things.. still she was there.. and the great thing about that is most of the time she was first to be there..
specially when its all about heartaches..

Yeah we are not close physically coz we dont see each other as often as we want..
but i know shes just there..
just a text of her name "ayen?" for sure she'll make a way just to make a reply..

I just wanna thank her for all the time she wasted on me..
i want to thank her for staying with me during my sleepless nights..
talking to the fone till 5am? texting or chatting till morning,, she doesnt care.. i really love this girl.. no malice but i really do.. as a friend and as a sister..

Thank you for everything AYEN.. so many good and bad things happened but still you're there..

I hope we can spend time together, bond or whatever.. hehe..
may utang ka pa..

thank you.. thank you.. thank you..
nothing much to say..

thank you very much ayen.. love you my friend!
hope you wont change and whatever happens nothing will change between us..
take care!